Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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