Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
