My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
