currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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