Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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