Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
