So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
