My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
