no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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