yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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