Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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