oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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