Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
