and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
