Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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