This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
