The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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