Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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