I want to stick my p in your. b.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
