That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
