im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
