Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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