make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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