I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
