Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
