We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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