so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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