I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize