Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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