I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
