I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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