He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
