Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize