i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
