So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We're too hungover to prance.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
