i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
