Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
