The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
