Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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