Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize