Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
