We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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