You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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