had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
