I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
