I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize