i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm really busy with my period
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