I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize