As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's always time for handjobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Randomize
