I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
