Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
