Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
