the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
