Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
