k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
