i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
