I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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