it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
