I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize