I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
