I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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