im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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