did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
