She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
