Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
