I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize