i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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