i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will be naked everywhere
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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