Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
