He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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