So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
