I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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