The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
