I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
