the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
