Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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